You Can’t Fail If You Don’t Try

Failure is an easy road to walk down.

We do it every day.

We pre-screen applicants for our perfect job by taking ourselves out of the pool.  Telling ourselves they’d never hire us.  Somewhere in our evolution the frontal lobe developed to give us the ability of forethought.  Knowing you shouldn’t jump off a cliff into a lion pit is a good thing to have.  A job interview is not the same thing.  Except that we make it so. Continue reading “You Can’t Fail If You Don’t Try”

How Had Being a Victim Somehow Become a Moral Failing?

This is your trigger warning for sex abuse and Christianity.

I don’t spend a lot of time in church. At this point, it’s as much about habit as it is anything. Habit and scheduling conflicts. As a divorced woman with kids who live several hours away, my weekends are mostly kids and God understands but my kids don’t. I would never tell my kids that my attending a church service has gotten in the way of me seeing them. Continue reading “How Had Being a Victim Somehow Become a Moral Failing?”

Standing in the Light, Facing the Darkness

Stories have been a part of humanity since before the written word. Our cave-cestors told stories around the campfire every night. It’s how we learn as a species. We learn about each other, we learn from the experiences of others. How many times have you wanted to go try something after hearing an awesome story about it? How many times have you stopped yourself from doing something after hearing a disheartening story?

We often tell our stories in the dark. The “woe is me” version of our story. We stand in our darkness and envy the light. If only we could have that which is in the light. We face our demons in the dark, and they keep us from stepping across the threshold, and crossing over into the light. “If I do this, the monsters will find me and eat me.”

Imagine if you will, what the darkness looks like from the light. Step fully into the light and turn around and face your darkness. Can you even see what is in there? Can you see what has terrified you for so long? Are the demons willing to follow you into the light? Most of the time they are not. Imagine yourself in the light. Living the life you only now long for. Does anything you left in the darkness matter now?

When I was a child, I was sexually abused by a family member. Several years ago, I decided that that would neither define me as a woman, nor stop me from being all that I can be. After I refused to carry the baggage that someone else had packed for me, I was able to take the first step into healing. That demon refused to follow me into the light. I’m not saying that it doesn’t try to grab my ankles and drag me back ever so often, but I have found much healing and safety standing in the light.

How would your story change if you stepped out of the darkness?

If the dark version of the story is, “that relationship really hurt me”, how does it change in the light of day. Are you stronger, wiser? As Tony Robbins says, if you are going to blame for what went wrong, you have to blame for what went right. Thank the darkness for the lesson and walk away.

Now go be awesome!

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Grocery Store Rant

Four or five years ago, I decided to change my food life.  Nothing drastic, just changed my four basic food groups from boxed, canned, frozen, and fast, to real food.  No biggie.  Being a toe in the water girl, as opposed to run screaming off the high dive, I made little changes here and there.  I started eating eggs for breakfast, not Fruit Loops.  Learned to make enchilada sauce instead of getting it out of a can.  Little by little things changed.  While I would never claim to be perfect, I have broken my 120 ounce/day Coke habit.  (I know).

It hasn’t been easy, I now have to drive 20 miles for milk and eggs so that I can get it farm fresh, but while I’m there, I get to pet baby goats, so take that Kroger.  I get my meat from the farmers market on Saturday morning, which doesn’t allow me to sleep in should I need chicken feet, but I feel better in my mid forties than I have since I can’t even remember when.

Yesterday  I went to the grocery store. This is where it gets ranty.

Having been buying my milk straight from the cow who produced it earlier that morning, I had forgotten that grocery store milk doesn’t “go bad” as quickly.  The organic milk I looked had an expiration date two months out. What are you doing to that milk???

I listened to a couple fight over fat free chocolate milk vs 2%.  It was eventually decided that the fat free chocolate milk, with more sugar than a Coke, was the “healthier” option, plus it had vitamins.  Yeah, fat soluble vitamins that are worthless WITHOUT THE FAT.

A child, probably around the age of six, informed her mother they could buy the sugar laden breakfast cereal, because it was now gluten free, AND they had removed the artificial colors.  (Who says marketing doesn’t work?)

Even the organic, aka “healthy”, food was full of science experimentation. I looked at some sour cream that barely even mentioned cream.

Food education is an uphill battle.  There was a contestant on this past season of  The Biggest Loser whose job was “nutritionist”. I guess having a degree in nutrition does not correlate with having knowledge of.

I do not claim to know it all.  In fact, I would probably fail the “nutritionist” exam because it probably follows the politics of food.  Low fat, high processed carb, dairy that is good for several months model. What I do know is that fat will not make you fat, sugar will.  Now I have to convince the rest of the world.

Hey Earth, Wind, and Fire, You Forgot About Me

Water.

You spend your formative 3/4 year in it. It’s 3/4 of the earth. It’s 3/4 of your body. #mathrocks

3/4 of America is chronically dehydrated.

Water is literally life.

I know, I know. You just can’t get on board with water. It’s so….water.

Well hydrated people tend to act like water is so amazing.

It is.

Water is the grease in the engine of life. You may not even realize how sluggish you are until you grease the engine. Think of a time when you had a lot of energy. Chances are you were well hydrated. Wouldn’t it be amazing if that was your normal?

When you are hydrated, your kidneys work more efficiently to flush the toxins from your body. Your urine contains the contaminates your kidneys have filtered out. If you are well hydrated, the kidneys can offload the garbage immediately, if they have to wait until you get enough to drink, the garbage just sits in your kidneys, make them work harder.

Plump juicy skin isn’t just nice on a rotisserie chicken. Well hydrated people glow. How much do we spend on cosmetics that promise that very same glow? The skin is another filter that works best with a constant supply of water.

Your digestive track needs water. I’m beginning to detect a theme here. Waste removal is more efficient with water. You don’t want to be full of shit all the time, do you?

Let’s move on. Body movement that is facilitated by joints. Which benefit from water. The fluid between your joints keeps your joints from grinding down.

Have I convinced you yet?

Probably not. I didn’t get the message until recently. I hung on to my soda like I was hanging on to the side of a cliff. I want to encourage you to learn from my mistakes. Drink your frickin water.

Taking Care of Myself

There has been a change in my life recently.  I have started taking care of myself.  I mean really, truly, taking care of myself. I can take care of everybody else, classic middle child, but when it came to me, not so much.

This is new to me.

Until last week, literally, I have been waiting for the ever elusive prince charming/daddy/lottery/whatever, to come in and do the most very basic task we humans have.  Taking care of me.

Last week, after a particularly bad day, at a particularly bad job, I decided enough was enough. I am finally going to get my shit together. Luckily, the universe is here for me, and I am able to take some time off of work.

Task one. Get a bed. My mattress and box springs have resided on the floor for over four years now.  Like I’m in college.  I guess this means I’ve graduated.  I have been oohing and awwing over this bed for more than two years. Spend the damned $263 and get it already.

Task two. Upgrade the washer. Again, the universe was nice enough to provide me with a rental that included a washer and dryer. For two and  a half years I have DREADED laundry. The craigslist discard always sounded like a combination of mating cats, and Star Wars blaster guns. I’m having flashbacks just thinking about it. For the low, low price of $60 FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, I was able to get some pretty blinged out pieces of machinery. When I got home, I noticed the guy had charged me $881 of property insurance and extended warranty I did not agree to.  Sure it was spelled out for me, but with all the “oh just sign this” and the “oh, I took that off” and blah blah blah, I missed it.  Before I would fret and cry and scream that life isn’t fair, today, I marched into the store and called bullshit.  That will buy a really pretty appliance should one break outside of the two year warranty I already have.  Plus, it was financed at the low low price of my first born child, so I guess I can keep her too.

Task three.  Stop pretending you have a staff.  You don’t.  Nobody is coming to put your dishes away, sweep your kitchen, or vacuum the stairs.  Quit whining already and grow the fuck up.

Task four. Fix up the brokenness.  I have a kid with special needs. One of those needs is kicking holes in the sheetrock.  I have pretended for two years that there isn’t any use whatsoever in fixing them. Practically, maybe not, but psychologically, I feel like I’m in control of the situation for the first time in a long time.

This is four steps forward, and I’m guessing there will be a step back here and there. The big shift is that I actually feel empowered to do something about me now.

Now I must go do some dope shit.