Everything is Copy

OK, so I’m about 40 years late to the Nora Ephron train, but that woman was spectacular.

Her favorite saying, and the documentary of her life, is “Everything is Copy”.

She posited that if you slip on a banana the world laughs at you and you are a victim, but, if you tell the story of yourself slipping on the banana you then become the hero of the story.

Which is what she did when her marriages failed.

She was a remarkable woman.

How do I learn from this?

What stories in my life am I playing the victim? How do I tell those stories to become the hero?

I feel that talking about my abuse has empowered me. I’m not the hero yet. But add this to the other things I’ve learned and I’m on my way.

Another thing I’ve learned this week is that people can only hurt you once.  After that, it’s you allowing them. Let’s say someone were to call me ugly. Ha ha right? I’m beautiful, and that wouldn’t hurt me, but there are definitely other soft spots for me. But let’s just say that they did, and it hurt me.

How do I deal with that?

First, is it true? Am I ugly.  This is an easy one for me. No. Moving on.

But that’s not how it usually works. How it usually works is that someone calls you ugly and you start obsessing over it. It’s probably my nose, I’ve always hated it. Or maybe it’s my eyes, or my hair color or style or the fact that I’m fat.  Three days later you’re in the plastic surgeons office getting a consult and guess what? They’ve moved on. They have literally given it zero more thought.  The only thing they did was pass the bully baton to you and you in turn took it and beat yourself senseless with it.

So, no longer will I accept the bully baton.

How am I going to go about doing this? Brainstorming here, as there are no best practices in place yet.

My first question for fears and hurts is always, “Is this true?” This practice came to me almost six years ago and it literally shifted my entire life. I realized my biggest fear was a big fat lie. Not saying that I’m perfect, but when I do apply it, it always helps.

So, what should my second question be? Let’s say it is true, or that maybe I’m not sure if it’s true. Let’s say I’m not confident in my looks, “Is it true that I’m ugly?” Hmmmm? I’m not sure.

The anti bully thing to do would be to turn that around and ask them. You’ll recall from my earlier scenario that I went and spent days obsessing about WHY did he say I’m ugly? Is it my hair, my nose, my eyes, my chin(s)? I think it would be great to be able to ask someone who just told me that I’m ugly why they thought so. “What exactly is it that you find ugly about me?”

Well, if that doesn’t shut them up, maybe they’ll tell you.  How’s that for turning an embarrassing slip on the proverbial banana peel into you becoming the hero of the story?

So, from now on, in addition to asking “Is it true?” I’m going to seek more details. Maybe it will be like when a guy once told me I had ugly feet. I wasn’t sure why he’d say that, so I asked. He didn’t like the lack of pedicure, which I grew up in Wyoming, my feet were in snow boots 300 days a year. Now, my friend (whose former husband had a foot thing) tells me I have stupidly sexy feet. Problem solved.

I can’t claim to be the hero of that story though. I wasn’t asking why he thought my feet were nasty for my own benefit, I was asking so I could make him like me more. Maybe the ends justify the means, I don’t know.  From now on, I’ll take it as a position of power and self knowledge.

So, “Is it true?” No. Then fuck off.

Maybe? Get more information. Maybe you can better yourself, maybe they are just trying to give you the bully baton and watch you beat yourself up over it.  If the former, you’ve bettered yourself, if the latter, fuck off.  As Brene’ Brown says, I will not negotiate my worth with you. I know who I am. I know the people who care about me. Those are the only opinions about me who matter to me.  If you would like your opinion to matter of me, earn your way into my inner circle. Otherwise. Fuck off.

 

Things that made me smile today

OK – I am all about the awesome and making more of it and sharing it and encouraging you to find your own so that we aren’t in a co-dependent relationship. I hardly know you.

Here are some of the things that made me smile today.

First. Rock, or is it The Rock? is upset that he isn’t the sexiest man alive.

I mean really. Who decides these things?  Well, I know The Rock decided he was upset about it, but who gets to determine the sexiest man alive.  Was there a poll?  I missed. it. I’ve never gotten gooey over The Rock. Dude your first name is The. What I find sexy is different than what you find sexy.

Anyway, that made me smile. I’m happy that The Rock doesn’t have bigger issues in his life to worry about right now.

2017 Xmas Tree

This tree is making me smile. It’s twinkly and perfect.  It’s my first jointly owned tree since my divorce and everything about it makes me smile.  You’ll notice we already opened the presents as we aren’t going to be together on Christmas.

Speaking of opening the presents. The other thing that made me smile was my gift.  It is a Joule. Which when I opened it, I wasn’t sure what it was.

It’s a sous vide. They are all the rage right now.  Sous vide, for those who don’t know, is French for vacuum cooking, or something.  Idk but it’s delicious. You put your food in a ziplock bag, lower the bag and the Joule in the water, open the Joule app on your phone, tell it what your cooking, push the button and come back 3-48 hours later and you have the most delicious food ever. EVER. We had pork tenderloin last night that was like butter.

I watched Kyle Cease Limitation Game today.  When JP Sears and he were on stage together.  Big smile.  Love them both.

Oh, and MeUndies has a new print. Fireworks.  You know I’m going to get me some of those.

What about you? What made you smile today?

annie365

Is it time for New Year’s resolutions yet?

I know. I know.  Resolutions suck. They last for all of three days and then they are forgotten like last weeks deli sammich. You remember you stuffed it behind the pickles, then a week later you throw it out half eaten.

Today I re-remembered that life isn’t an all or nothing endeavor. It’s mountains and valleys and side roads, and shiny roadside squirrels.

I also remembered 2011 when I had a stupid idea and did pushups for a year and people laughed but people still associate me with pushups.

This is where my shoulder devil reminds me of my two failed marriages. You can’t even get that right. Well, shoulder devil. Marriage is hard. And I’ve got issues.

So, stfu.

My friend reminded me that you just have to keep throwing shit out into the universe and seeing what comes back. So, my next adventure is going to be #annie365 – a year in the life of annie.

I’m going to show up every day and see what the universe has for me. See where it will take me.

Unlike a NY resolution, I’m making monthly resolutions. I have questions. Let’s see how the universe answers them. I have answers. Let’s see if the universe questions them.

I have less than two weeks to get my shit together. Haha, jokes on me.  My shit won’t be together.  I’m going to show up anyway and see what happens.

Until next time, be awesome!