Failure is an easy road to walk down.
We do it every day.
We pre-screen applicants for our perfect job by taking ourselves out of the pool. Telling ourselves they’d never hire us. Somewhere in our evolution the frontal lobe developed to give us the ability of forethought. Knowing you shouldn’t jump off a cliff into a lion pit is a good thing to have. A job interview is not the same thing. Except that we make it so.
We see a pretty girl, or boy. We see falling madly in love, weddings, babies, and the ugly bitter divorce. We can so readily convince ourselves we know the outcome before we even bother to say “hi”.
Dissecting my fears has become one of my most valuable tools to getting through my divorce. “Is this a real fear?” is something I ask myself about 20 times a day.
My frontal lobe reminds me that I’m one Twinkie away from having my feet amputated from diabetes. One episode of Wheel of Fortune away from starring on Hoarders, Crazy Cat Ladies. I have to stop my frontal lobe in its tracks and ask, “Is this a real fear?”
Am I as healthy as I could be? As I once was? Even when I’m feeling “deconditioned” I am comparing my very fit self to my highly conditioned self. I can still kick your ass. Yelling “Bunny Quotations” at the TV once every blue moon does not make me a TV addict and I would die of the allergic reaction I have to cats long before they number 87. But when I’m feeling the fear, it is real.
Fact of the matter is, I don’t know what WILL happen. I know what COULD. I’m guessing that is the purpose of the frontal lobe. Skewing the results to the worst case scenario probably has saved countless lives, but how many lives have turned boring because we lost our desire to take a chance, to make a difference?
The thing with the frontal lobe and fear that we haven’t yet developed as a species is that once we determine we won’t die, I mean actually die, most of us will not continue past the point we feel that fear. WHY NOT? We have already lived it. We played it out to the bitter end. We “went” to interview for our perfect job, we “had” the worst interview of all interviews ever conducted. They actually called people while we were still in the room just to laugh at us. #notreally But we have already lived the worst case scenario and didn’t actually physically die. Go to the interview.
Next time you feel afraid. Stop. Ask yourself if you know, without a doubt, what will happen. If it isn’t 100% certainly going to play out that way, ask yourself what you gain by believing that it’s true.
In the case of a job interview, that isn’t ultimately fatal, and no, they probably won’t laugh at you while you’re there, what is the worst that could happen? You don’t get the job. No net loss there. But by not even going to the interview, you get to tell yourself that you were right, “see I didn’t get the job, I knew I wouldn’t” YOU DIDN’T EVEN GO TO THE INTERVIEW.
What do you lose by believing you won’t get the job, therefore skipping the interview? You lose the perfect job. While the loss may not be tangible, it is real. Even if you go on 100 interviews before you get one job, that still is a better percentage of jobs you get by not interviewing.
This is not just for your benefit, but for mine as well. I tend to play it safe when it comes to marketing myself. I have tried to use other peoples words to describe what I do. I’m a personal trainer, but I’m not. I’m a nutritionist, but the nutrition aspect of my job can be contained in about two sentences. For every thing I am, it doesn’t really capture what it is that I do. I am a life changer. It’s what I do. You seek me out when you want to change your life. You want to lose weight, or get into shape. You want to change something and you need someone to walk you down that path. That’s me. I have tried to put myself into the trainer box, the nutritionist box, the well behaved box, the box with the job description and the resume. I tell myself that people who change lives are serious, well behaved, have it all together people. I tell myself that one more group of letters after my name will finally convince other people that what I do has value.
I don’t need to convince others. People who come to me lose weight, and run marathons, and quit jobs, and leave bad relationships. They stop smoking and start running. They do pushups at midnight. They believe they can change their lives. They do change their lives. I have to appreciate and honor that and proudly declare that while I am still as “hot mess” as they come, I can change your life.
So, if you need to change something in your life. Call me.