What Happens When You Spend Your Whole Life Making Everyone Else Happy First

 

What do you do when everything falls apart at the same time?

Oh queso, what happened was…

It was eventually the best of times. It was absolutely the worst of times.

Seven plus years ago, the universe handed me a decade worth of trauma in one week.

I lost my special person.
My business.
All my money.
I wrecked my kid’s new car.
Got a concussion in a separate incident.
Borrowed money from my kids to pay rent after my checking account was “compromised.”
And eventually collapsed on my kitchen floor so emotionally wrecked I felt the world would be better off without me.

At least no one died.

Well.
No one except old Annie.

The hardest part wasn’t losing everything.
It was realizing I had spent my entire life trying to earn happiness by manufacturing it for everyone else.

I thought if I made enough people happy, eventually it would be my turn.

That strategy nearly killed me.

When everything fell apart, I realized I had delayed my own joy for so long I genuinely couldn’t tell you what made me happy anymore.

And honestly?
That undoing changed everything.

Not overnight.
Not beautifully.
Not in some inspirational montage.

But slowly, painfully, one decision at a time, I started pointing my feet toward things that made me feel alive.

Not safe.
Not practical.
Alive.

I wouldn’t wish that undoing on anyone.

But I wouldn’t undo my undoing.

Here’s what I know now:

My intuition usually knows before my fear does.

The worst decisions of my life still taught me something worth knowing.

My worth does not live in someone else’s ability to choose me correctly.

People rarely set out to hurt us as deeply as they do.

And happiness is not something someone hands me after I’ve suffered enough to deserve it.

It’s direction.

In the seven years since that kitchen floor, I’ve become more versions of myself than I knew existed:
yoga instructor,
motorcycle chaser,
artist instructor,
race chaser,
carburetor rebuilder,
entrepreneur,
farm girl,
writer,
wanderer.

How many more are still out there waiting for me?

And maybe more importantly:
how many are still waiting for you?

What I would have missed if I had stopped there:
2,787 sunrises.
2,787 sunsets.
Motorcycles and race tracks.
Fast cars.
Friends I would trust with my life.
Unexpected joy.
Learning that I was enough long before I believed it.

So here’s what I want you to do:

Spend as much time as you need figuring out what makes you happy.

Then point your feet in that direction and go.

Fuck everything else.

The whole ugly beautiful story is in Queen of the Mother Fing World.* Details are where we now put details.

People also ask:

What is Becoming Awesomer University?
BAU is audacious self development for every woman who has ever been told she’s too much and not enough in the same sentence. We dream medium dreams — because at our core we were always just right.

How much does Becoming Awesomer University cost?
Tuition is $1/day.

What do you do when you don’t know what makes you happy anymore?
You start small — one decision at a time — and point your feet toward anything that makes you feel alive, not just safe.

Can you rebuild your life after losing everything at once?
Yes. It won’t be overnight or beautiful, but the versions of yourself waiting on the other side are worth every ugly step.

This concludes story time where we were audaciously brave. Tuition is $1/day at Becoming Awesomer University — sign up here → Becomingawesomer.com