How I Became a $7 Life Coach
Where are we going and how did we get here? The origin story
2007 Annie - Ooh look a marathon over a cool bridge! I think i'd like to see the sunrise from there. Guess I'll run a marathon.
2010 Annie —
Drunk on Twitter.
Creates the Push-Up Challenge:
One push-up on January 1…
365 push-ups on December 31.
2011 Annie —
One push-up.
Haha, Annie is sooooo ridiculous.
365 push-ups?
Who the fuck is Annie?
2012 Annie —
Well, I coached everyone into pure sexiness for free…
Maybe I should start charging.
So I became a health coach.
A personal trainer.
I could teach you kettlebells and running and how to throw your kale in the trash.
I could also be ruining my own life in the background.
(It’s hard to coach when you aren’t being authentic.)
So I got a job.
The WORST job.
The universe had some lesssssons for this girl.
Then came two yoga classes in a strip mall that inspired me to quit my job, drop the kids off with their father. Fly to Spain, and become one of the first hundred people in the world to get certified in Trapeze Yoga, at the best school in the world. *Realizing somewhere over Amsterdam that mayyyyyybe, this was the time I over committed to the Delulu. Spoiler alert. It wasn't.
The wisdom of finding rock bottom.
The passion for living 100 mph, authentic as fuck, make-yourself-happy-and-let-everyone-else-sort-it-out.
You know what? While you're at it, go become a motorsport marshal and get a HAM radio license because did you know you can call the Space Station on your HAM and they answer?
And everyone said I should be a life coach.
(Okay, three people. None of whom were my mom, btw.)
But here’s the deal…
Life coaches? Shady.
There, I said it.
They want $297 to tell me to eat kale?
Go fuck yourself.
$497 to get my life in order?
Bitch, please. If I haven't had a comma in my bank account in ten years.
“Invest in yourself for once!”
Fuck you. I can’t even decide which meal to buy at Chick-fil-A right now, let alone give you $1800 to tell me I deserve the number 1.
And I’m sorry—but if you need to have a budget meeting to figure out if you can afford my services… you can’t.
But I still want to help.
(And also, I need to eat.)
Then one day, the internet and the universe and the algorithms showed up for me.
I could get a life coaching certification for $7.
That’s right.
The people “worthy” enough to coach you?
Could invest as little as $7 to do it.
This is the kind of ridiculous I’m here for.
Sign.
Me.
Up.
So yeah… I spent $7.
And I’m not going to ask you for more than I was willing to invest.
Becoming Awesomer has been waiting in the wings.
Waiting for its time to shine.
Waiting for me to stop hiding behind myself.
Waiting for me to stop being forgettable furniture in the background.
If you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting me, you know.
I am… something.
Maybe you’re here because you want to be me when you grow up.
Maybe you’re here for the audacity.
Maybe you remember the push-up—the one push-up that was the first step on this path.
But if you’re here for it, I’d love you to join the adventure.
Becoming Awesomer is now offering degrees in awesome.
(Not real. But you’ll get a certificate suitable for framing.)
It’s just a fun, challenging way to find the path back to you.
And honestly?
You can’t even take me to lunch for $7.
(Y’all know a lunch with me is worth WAY more than that.)
So if you want to earn your degree—certified by me—join now.
By this time next year, you’ll have the proof you don’t even need.
Stay wild, child.
xoxo annie
Your $7 Life Coach